The Pressure Curve: Helping Teens Thrive Without Burning Out

It’s no secret that school for ‘tweens and teens can involve a number of sources of pressure: Academic, social, and sports to name a few. But since these pressures are part of normal life at this age, how can parents know when too much pressure is affecting their student’s mental health? And, applicable to everyone, how can we help our children cope successfully with pressure and even use it to their advantage?

This may be surprising to hear, but some degree of pressure is helpful in accomplishing our goals. Most of us can relate to getting a project pulled off at the last minute, thanks to a sudden burst of adrenaline. Or that feeling of “being in the zone” studying for a big, important test or training for a major championship game. That’s because when we feel no pressure at all, we tend to feel disinterested in the task at hand and unlikely to bother with completing it well. However, too much pressure will cause us to become increasingly anxious, even panicked and no one can do anything well while they are panicked. This overall relationship between pressure and performance can be best understood by the curve graph below, and has been well described and validated by Psychologists:

The question, then, is how to keep pressure to a level where it helps rather than hinders us. Here are some things to consider:

--Know your child: You know your child’s strengths and weaknesses better than anyone. It makes sense to encourage them to push themselves in the areas where they are strongest, whether that is in academics, athletics, or visual/performing arts. A strong runner with good eye-hand coordination may do very well to try out for varsity baseball, even if they are nervous about it. By contrast, pushing an introverted teen whose strengths are in math and science to try out for the lead in the school musical might be more likely to backfire and reinforce a sense of failure or at least a sense that they struggle to assert themselves. Such a student would be better off encouraged to take the most challenging Calculus courses at their school, playing to strengths.

--Set up for success: For high-pressure/high-stakes endeavors, it’s always best to know what is required to “win” and come in with a plan to do so. A little front-end work can really pay off in this sense. If you don’t know what will be required or how to plan for it, you will be behind from the get-go.

--Check in regularly: Help your child look at what is working and what is not in a given class/sport/activity. Help them troubleshoot the difficult areas. Staying on top of this aspect throughout the semester, season, or school year can help turn failure into success by making the necessary changes. When we are able to succeed at something difficult that we thought we couldn’t necessarily do, it is a MASSIVE confidence booster and every teen can use that going into the challenges of young adulthood!

Sometimes, despite our best efforts to be helpful as parents, our child may still be struggling with pressure and need to drop a class, activity or sport in order to help their own mental health. How do you know when that might be the case? Here are some warning signs:

--Obsessiveness that takes on a negative “I am not good enough for this” quality, constant focus on losing or that others are overtaking them

--Disturbance in their usual activities: Poor appetite, poor sleep, lack of socializing, loss of interest in hobbies or activities they once enjoyed

--Physical problems like headaches, stomach upset/nausea, obvious fatigue, poor hygiene/self-care

If these signs appear, it’s important to take steps to remove the source of pressure, as ongoing sense of pressure and failure is shown to lead to negative mental health outcomes including depressive and anxiety symptoms, and even self-harm and suicidal ideation per NIH studies:

Steare T, Gutiérrez Muñoz C, Sullivan A, Lewis G. The association between academic pressure and adolescent mental health problems: A systematic review. J Affect Disord. 2023 Oct 15;339:302-317. doi: 10.1016/j.jad.2023.07.028. Epub 2023 Jul 10. PMID: 37437728.

If you do see signs of severe pressure and burnout and end up removing your student from a challenging class, varsity team, or other activity, be sure to frame this as a learning experience (they learned how much is too much, or perhaps that this activity wasn’t their strength) and that every time we acquire information in life we can use it to learn and grow. This activity or class may not have been “their thing” but something else will be! Alternatively, perhaps they didn’t have what they needed to succeed this time around but have a better idea of how to prepare for the next year, etc. Pressure is an unavoidable part of life, but the good news is that we can show kids how to cope and succeed despite any challenging circumstances.